you brought another year of life into being,
(am I really 26?! each birthday since 22 has felt like i have turned the same age over and over again. or is that just denial?)
it was the quietest celebration so far, but still lovely and simple, exactly how i like life to be.
i’m choosing to live a healthier, wholehearted life, so naturally, i splurged on a juicer as part of a birthday gift. i am loving it-besides the fact that i despise anything with beets in it. i must use less beets. yes, that’s it. if you have tried beets and succeeded, please send your wisdom my way because rich, red juice is pretty, and i am all about second chances.
i said good-bye to my staff of another year and came back home from our final retreat to an empty house. i began to miss all the people in my life, e-v-e-r-y last one. some seasons lend themselves to less awareness of the distance between me and the people who know me best; other seasons it’s as real and raw as ever, making me sentimental and teary with lingering thoughts of my kindred friends. i think heaven will be a reunion of sorts, a homecoming of all your favorite people. these people filled my life this year, and i count them as favorites to be sure:
it was a quiet month on the blog, representative of my soul’s current state. i’m trying to learn the language of hope, and more importantly, live and breathe in the Living Hope. for now, that means i need more silence and space to let this breath fill up my lungs, fill the spaces that have become callous and hard, weary and tired. i’m also wondering if the content of this space should change some, as i have been writing A TON about women. i love talking about women, but i want to make sure this space is also one that is open and accessible to all, while also honoring the things that are closest to my heart. i want to constantly be learning.
this has been my meditation from Matthew 11:28 (MSG):
i also found the poem “Have you Ever Tried to Enter the Long Black Branches?” by mary oliver this month that made me feel known deep down in all the right and true places. here are some of my favorite lines:
“Who can open the door who does not reach for the latch?
Who can travel the miles who does not put one foot
in front of the other, all attentive to what presents itself
Who will behold the inner chamber who has not observed
with admiration, even with rapture, the outer stone?
Well, there is time left –
fields everywhere invite you into them.
And who will care, who will chide you if you wander away
from wherever you are, to look for your soul?
Listen, are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life?
Meanwhile, once in a while, I have chanced, among the quick things,
upon the immutable.
What more could one ask?
And I would touch the faces of the daisies,
and I would bow down
to think about it.
That was then, which hasn’t ended yet.
Now the sun begins to swing down. Under the peach-light,
I cross the fields and the dunes, I follow the ocean’s edge.
I climb, I backtrack.
I ramble my way home.”